You know what is sad and terrifying?

The knowledge that SOMEWHERE in the world there is a person who will read this Craiglist ad for the used duck mask and think to himself/herself, “I must have it.”

Kev :: Oh, I know. And someone who thinks to themselves, “DUDE! FIRST EDITION of THE REPUBLIC!!? I needed that to add to my first edition, signed copy of Mein Kampf!!!”

Sad indeed.

In my head, I imagine the owner of the Duck Mask will try to purchase the 1st Edition Plato. And the owner of the 1st Edition Plato will try to purchase the Duck Mask.

These two individuals will meet, and then the world will implode.

I hope I’m asleep when it happens.

Kev :: What do you think would happen if those two owners meet, Rachael Ray and Emeril have a baby, Keanu Reeves wins an Oscar, and Pamela Anderson becomes a political commentator - all at the same time???

Let me open my Bible and check the Book of Revelations…

Hmmm…

The universe would eat itself.

Kev :: That sounds really painful.

Indeed. Revelations says it will be VERY painful.

Kev :: I wonder, can we just omit Revelations? I prefer to think of the end days as cotton candy and lollipops.

Ew, even if someone wanted a Duck Mask, why would they still want it after gross shirtless man with the “big head” stuffed said head into in the mask and breathed his icky breath all over the inside? Sick.

Re: The duck mask: I must have it.

Erin :: Exactly - SO disgusting! If I want my entire FACE stuck inside some rubber thing, I’d like it brand new, thankyouverymuch.

JD :: Well, head on over to Best of Craigslist, shoot him an e-mail and see if he’ll ship it to ya!

Oh my…

When I read this earlier, I didn’t know there was a photo of the duck mask (my work’s Internet filter blocks them).

I’m going to have nightmares about Howard the Duck tonight…

Kev :: Ooooooh….I bet it’s a lot more clear now why the ad is so ridiculous…the thing is hideous, I’m telling you!

I’m sorry. Howard the Duck came out in 1986, therefore I was only 3 years old. Was it your favorite movie of all time?

Is that a joke about my age?

It’s not like I was old enough to have a driver’s license or something in 1986. I mean, I did drive cars back then, but that’s because I come from a long line of car thieves and my parents wanted me to get into the family business at an early age.

Kev :: Easy, killer, who says it was a joke about your age? (All I said was I was only 3.) All’s I said was I wasn’t old enough to remember it. But, obviously you were, and that’s okay.

Obviously too, you were old enough to be a car thief. (I was only 3, so I wasn’t.) I wasn’t really old enough to remember much of anything (I was only 3, see.)

So…was Howard the Duck your favorite movie? (Because I was only 3, remember, so I don’t remember it.)

I’m sorry, how old were you again? In my advanced age, I tend to forget things.

Wait, where am I…

Kev :: Sigh. That’s what I thought. Don’t worry…I know a seriously GREAT nursing home. I’ll visit you lots. You’ll be very happy. They have good food, and a swimming pool, and field trips to places like the zoo and the grocery store.

Nursing home? You sound just like my great grandkids. I don’t belong in no stinkin’ home!

They steal, you know. The employees at nursing homes, I mean. They sneak in while you’re sleeping and steal your Grumpy Old Men DVD. If I wanted to be robbed while I slept, I’d move in with the great grandkids…

Kev :: I’d like to meet these great grandkids of yours. What are they, like, negative 103 years old?

Did you know Grumpy Old Men came out when I was only 10? Yeah, I don’t so much really remember that movie, either.

I’ll introduce you to them someday. Don’t let their negative age fool you — they’re pretty smart (and tall) for their age.

Grumpy Old Men and its sequel, Grumpier Old Men, are perhaps two of the greatest cinematic achievements of the past 25 years. You should watch them.

Kev :: Hmm. Can’t wait to meet them. They sound pretty nifty, if they’re that smart/tall for being a negative age…

I’ll bet you I could name at least 50 movies that are greater cinematic acheivements than GOM I and GOM II combined, if the previews for those two movies are any indicator…

I can’t believe you just dissed Grumpy Old Men 1 and 2.

What’s next? Would you like to take a swipe at The Statue of Liberty? The U.S. Flag? Bill Cosby?

Kev :: If you are equating Grumpy Old Men 1 and 2 with monuments of historic significance, you have more problems than I thought…would you like to share with the class where your priorities lie??!

In fifty years, Grumpy Old Men 1 and 2 will have lots of historic significance. Teachers will discuss them in classrooms. Authors will write novels about them. U.S. currency will pay tribute to them. Elton John’s grandson will rewrite “Candle in the Wind” for them.

You’ll see.

Kev :: In fifty years, nobody will have heard of them. You know why? Because the people that remember when those movies came out and watched them will most likely not be telling their children about those movies. Nor will their children tell THEIR children.

The most you’ll probably hear about those two movies is in some comedy sketch by an unknown stand-up with a one-liner…”Hey, you folks ever heard of that movie Grumpy Old Men?…yeah, me neither!” *laughter*

OMG!!! I am addicted to the best of CraigsList! LMAO! I saw that duck photo and almost died! I love this!!

I read about the woman needing a nanny who could handle her kids via Best Of too and I almost died… Again. LOL! I almost die a lot there… perhaps I should stop reading it. HAHAHA

You rock for posting this.

Corrina :: I know, right!? Some people are so insane…I read that nanny one, too. Talk about a Craigslist post of epic proportions!! It’s one of those websites you go to, bored, thinking “Oh I’ll just read one or two,” and the next time you look at the clock 2 hours has gone by and you’ve gotten NOTHING accomplished other than read 5 bazillion of those….but they’re so entertaining…!!