Wow. If I was at a dinner party and this Stevens guy was there, I’d want to sit next to him. I imagine he would be immensely entertaining (in small doses, of course).

Kev :: I know, right? Think about all the things he’d have explanations for. Hurricanes, forever. The Nisqually Earthquake of ‘01. The Mt. St. Helens eruption of ‘80. Tornadoes in the Midwest. It’s all the Russians and the Japanese!!!

Then there’s HAARP. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Frequency_Active_Auroral_Research_Program

It’s alleged to be able to superheat spots of atmosphere to create an expanding shockwave of air that would crush incoming ICBMs. It’s alleged to be able to manipulate the weather. It’s even alleged to be capable of mind control. I find it fascinating.

Marvin :: Wow. Frankly…I’d like people to just leave the weather alone. It’s never destroyed the Earth before, I don’t think it needs controlling. Don’t nobody need to be messin’ with my Seattle rain, now, y’hear!

Well, I’d think the Japanese have a right to be a little upset about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, too! A little hurricane is nothing compared to either one of those!

Do I believe it? Nah. I use my common sense, you see.

I know Hiroshima and Nagasaki were kind of big deals, but once Hideo Nomo stole the NL Rookie of the Year Award from Chipper Jones back in 1995, I think it squared things.

And don’t even get me STARTED on Ichiro Suzuki’s ROY Award in 2001…

Jay :: Perhaps you could share a dose of your common sense with ol’ Scotty there. He sounds like he could use it!

Kev :: See, that’s all I’m saying. Personally, I think we’ve paid them back in spades. PLUS, we gave them BACK Sasaki!!

I love the Scott Stevens quote, and how he just sort of sounds despondent and frustrated, like, why is this making my life harder?

Oh, and “e-flipping”? I’ll be stealing that, thank you very much!

JD :: Seriously, like he’s SO put OUT because he can’t just report the dang normal weather! anymore!! Haha…

And, I would be honored to have you steal “e-flipping” from me.

I’m with Kev- I’d totally want to be seated next to that Steven’s guy! It would be the most interesting dinner party ever!

Corrina :: Agreed!!

So it’s the Russians and Japanese who cause those breezes that blow my skirts around. I might have known.

Erin :: You better believe it. Might wanna start wearing long pants 24/7…..!

Um, I’m not in favor of any suggestion that has girls wearing long pants all the time.

You know, for the record and all.

Kev :: For the record, if the Russians and Japanese end up causing a consistent updraft a’la Marilyn Monroe standing over a street vent, you better believe we’ll be wearing pants 24/7!!!

Fine.

Just know, if you all do that…

The terrorists win.

Kev :: And who wins the other way? Every single male in America that we happen to pass on the street while wearing our blown-up skirts?

Yeah! What Angi said!

Now I see it. They’re also trying to spark a gender war.

Erin :: Gasp. You’re RIGHT. We must stay strong…can’t let them win!

Well, OBVIOUSLY, as a gentleman, I would turn my head and look away whenever a gust of wind started to pick up. So, with that in mind, I see no reason for you all to give up skirts completely.

Unless, of course, you want the terrorists to win.

Kev :: YOU might turn your head. I can’t say the same for 99% of other men out there.

What if I promise to beat up any man who doesn’t look away?

Kev :: Welll…..okay, but still, do you know how irritating it would be for us girls to constantly have our skirts in our FACES?

True. I see your point. Okay, a compromise…

No more skirts, but you all have to agree to wear shorts on the days you would’ve normally worn skirts. I’m talking about normal length shorts, of course. It’s not as elegant as skirts, but it beats having to live in a world where all girls where long pants 24/7.

Kev :: What if we never wear skirts to begin with?

Um, I think a good rule is that you have to wear shorts at least as often as you wear long pants or jeans.

I’m assuming you are negotiating on behalf of all girls. What do you think?

Kev :: I think that’s not very fair, because say you live somewhere like Seattle. Hypothetically speaking. It’s only warm enough for shorts about 3 months out of the year, and it’s not even a consistent 3 months. So are you saying we girls would have to wear shorts in the wintertime, too???

Would girls in colder climates agree to exclusively wear shorts indoors where it is warm?

Kev :: Uh, no. We don’t have AC because we don’t need the extra bill in the summertime (plus it’s not hot enough), and we don’t turn on the heat unnecessarily in the wintertime, we all buy long pants and sweaters.

Scott Boras is easier to negotiate with than you.

Okay, what DO you propose?

Kev :: I KNOW you did not just compare me to the dude associated with A-Rod’s ridiculously high, ridiculously overpaid, ridiculously ridiculous contracts (and cancelling of said contracts).

Um, I think I just did.

So, Scott Angi…what if we guys offer to pay you girls a 10-year, $250 million contract if you agree to wear shorts on a semi-regular basis?

I assume you’ll recognize the length and size of this contract — they are same as the contract that lured A-Rod away from Seattle and to Texas.

Kev :: I want a 1-year, $500 million contract, and then I’ll agree to wear shorts every single day for that full year.

One year only.

And very funny about A-Rod, I wasn’t upset to see him go. Can’t get me on that one, sorry.

Where am I going to get $500 million??

How about a 4-year, $50 million contract? That’s the same length and size as the contract Richie Sexson signed with the Mariners back in 2004.

Kev :: I don’t know where you’re going to get $500 million, where were you going to get $250 million, or even $50 million???

Alright. Last offer. 2 year, $300 million contract, but we’re only REQUIRED to wear shorts 12 days out of the year.

At this time, I’m going to break off negotiations.

Global warming, if the prophet Al Gore is to be believed, is getting worse and worse. Someday, it will be too hot — regardless of where you live — to wear long pants. You’ll end up wearing shorts every day anyway!

Methinks you will regret being such a Scott Boras in these negotiations.

Good day.

Kev :: >:-O

So…men are united to cause global warming, too? So women have to wear shorts and skirts?

Erin :: I think you hit it. Conspirators…

It would help if I remembered the “< / u >” after your name…

If men could unite, don’t you think we’d come up with grander causes than shorts and skirts? We could outlaw chick flicks. We could vow to never again hold a girlfriend/wife’s purse while shopping.

The world could be our oyster…

I wear skirts all the time (pretty ankles) so nobody is negotiating on behalf of me!

And just for the record, the Japanese do NOT have a right to still be upset about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They made a decision to bomb Pearl Harbor. Consequences ensued. The bombs ended the war and saved countless lives. It was terrible but necessary.

Sorry if I sound preachy! You know me.

Kev :: Start small. Isn’t that the motto?

Jenny :: I don’t wear skirts all the time. Matter of fact, I wear them about once a year…methinks I should remedy that, though. I am a grown woman these days… And yes. I agree with you about the Japanese. You never sound preachy to me (perhaps because I always agree with you?).

In my totally unbiased opinion, your wearing skirts more than once a year is a good idea…

If you wore skirts you wouldn’t have to buy as many jeans, so that’s a good thing. However, there are definitely detriments to skirts, besides the wind. Like open stairs. *shakes fist at landlord* Still, I like them. (skirts, not open stairs)

Kev :: You’re about as unbiased as CNN covering the election this year…

Erin :: Exactly. Open stairs. Ladders. Jungle gyms. You just can’t do a flip over a chin-up bar the same when you’re wearing a skirt.

@Erin: If you girls agree to our offer, we guys will do away with all open stairs. We will even throw your landlord in prison as an added bonus.

@Angi: Wha? I’m extremely unbiased. I live on the other side of the country, so it’s not like I would get to see you wearing skirts. See? I’m completely unbiased.